Loving Myself

These days I am often told
By family, friends, well meaning strangers
That I do not love myself enough,
That I need to love myself more.
That better self-love will make me whole.
I wonder if that makes me
A little irrelevant for modern times.
Tell me how do I love myself enough
When as a little girl my big teeth
And, goblin ears were always made fun of?
And, they were likened to a bunny rabbit,
Or an elephant if you please,
So much so that when I look back on
Old, fading vintage photos
I always find myself smiling defensively
Pressing my closed lips, shutting them tightly
And, my hair is always arranged in such a way
That it hides the not so beautiful parts of me from the prying world.
My refusal as an adolescent to
Tuck in my stomach and subject myself
To the torture of teeth braces
That would magically improve
My worth in the marriage market
And, redefine the path of destiny
Deemed me as a difficult, obstinate girl
And, a budding, opinionated feminist,
Which weren’t approved qualities
In young brown girls of my age and milieu.
The list of such frowned upon faults
And labels that I struggled so hard
To rebel against and escape from
Are quite long and painful.
But they have made me who I am today.
It has taken me years and years
To break open my shell,
Pour light into these wounds,
And, arrive at where I am
Only to be told that I am not
Good enough at loving myself.
Maybe, just maybe I do love myself.
Maybe self-love is like an ocean wave,
Ebbing and flowing at its own pace,
Making me aware of what I need to heal
In order to love myself better.

~ The Amrita Connection

Forest Fairy

The forest is dark and wild,
Like a mysterious witch,
Or, an enchanted goddess.
But I never lose my way
Because I am a forest fairy.

Blooming

We all bloom

In our own time.

You can neither

Slow the process,

Nor rush it.

Nor can you compare

Your journey with anyone else’s.

Spring would never look colourful,

If it didn’t go through

The ordeal of winter greys.

Allow yourself to be.

The Trigger, or The Cure

Someone I once loved
Likened me to coffee.
In the seductive deliciousness
That took over his senses
With a hedonistic joy.

The lingering bitterness
That grew on him,
And, the addiction that
He found himself drowning in.

When he left, he confessed that
I was both the affliction,
And the cure.

And, it jarred him to think
That one can be both.
But aren’t we all
A little bit of both?

And, a little bit
Triggered by both?
Because what we want
Is also what we don’t
Want to face up to?

~ The Amrita Connection

Resurrected

Sunshine after rains.
Resurrecting myself
From a seasonal lull.
Older version of me
Has been upgraded.
Summer hope beckons,
As do the limitless vistas
With infinite possibilities.

~ The Amrita Connection

Making a #comeback to posting #poetry in my blog again. Stay tuned. #theamritaconnection